My Nintendo GDC Keynote Impressions

So, Nintendo had their Games Developer Conference keynote speech today. Iwata went through a lot of shit today, and I wanted to touch on a few of the bigger things that he touched on (like my penis). Are you ready to rock here, people? Just FYI, I’ve been drinking heavily since the press conference, so this is as candid as you are going to find a Nintendo apologist ever. Click the jump for some serious deep diggin’, y’all.

Square-Enix Announces a Bunch of Final Fantasy Shit

If you want the details, I’d recommend Cory’s post, which was literally right below mine on the main page. Oh shit, I forgot no one reads the main page. Anyway, you can find it here. For the most part, this is probably good news–a bunch of new, not-altogether-core-experience Final Fantasy games are always a good thing. But Jesus Christ, Final Fantasy is appearing on the Virtual Console? This is the kind of news that would give nerds a massive boner… in 2006! Ah, burn! Seriously though, we can expect see Final Fantasies I through VI show up on the Virtual Console–each of which has received a remake/re-envision on either the DS, GBA, or PSP. You are basically spending money on a certain translation. Not a terrible addition to the service, but how many fucking times am I going to spend money on these games before I grow wise to this shit?

The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks

Take one part Wind Waker and combine it with one part Railroad Tycoon, and you have a gave that will blow your socks off. I remember when I first read about Wind Waker, and saw the first screen shots. I wanted to kill all Nintendo employees. Yet little did I know that this Zelda game would skew how I judged every Zelda game–not only those that game after, but those that game before. This new game is essentially Phantom Hourglass but with a train, which is not a bad idea in my book. Although, when we were told that “the Zelda and Mario teams are hard at work on new titles,” this is hardly what I had in mind. But like a good bitch, I’ll take what I can get. It’s like playing Just The Tip with Nintendo. It feels good, but it’s not entirely satisfying.

The SD Card Channel

Holy shit, welcome to 2006. The system should have launched with this.

The Virtual Console Arcade is GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I don’t know if I like the game or if I’ve been influenced by industry assholes, but any chance to play The Tower of Druaga at home is a chance I’m willing to take. Unfortunately, it’s the only game on this sort of service that I’m interested in, but I’m sure they’ll release better games as time goes by. Did we really need to wait this long for this kind of thing on the Virtual Console? This seems like a slam dunk to me. Those following my twitter know that I frequently tweet about my NBA JAM design document, so I’m hoping the original shows up here somewhere. How inspirational that would be!

All in all, there was no retarded Wii Music dancing or flailing this time around; just a utilitarian set of updates and announcements that just seem to fit. No big surprises, but then again, when a peripheral is close to outselling your competition, you can take a weekend off here and there.