Chris attends final leg of Nintendo’s Driving School Tour

As reported earlier this year, Nintendo was touring select cities in the United States of America to show off Mario Kart and the Mario Kart Wii Wheel Accessory. I decided to attend and take photographs. Pictures after the jump. (No, this jump)

Our story begins just like any other – in Atlantic City, New Jersey, home to slots, whores and beaches with washed up seaweed and pubic hair.

That tent symbolizes everything Nintendo is about – attracting a mix of ethnically diverse males and females of all ages for the purpose of making a profit off of them.

Inside the tent, people were able to grab hold of a wheel covered with months of sweat, grime, and discoloration and race against a friend…or loneliness. People in snazzy Nintendo jump suits and Mario & Luigi caps instructed people to put their wrist inside a strap, lest some moron lose control of a steering wheel and fling it into their neighbor’s skull.

Afterwards (or actually before, as I’m describing this in reverse of how I proceeded), people could get their own Mario Kart driver’s license! Nintendo’s best attraction of the day, this blonde woman, helped folks obtain a unique piece of Mario Kart memorabilia.

As you can see, people could choose their favorite character and favorite item, which, combined with their name, birthday and location, could fool even the most clever state trooper into believing that a seven year old has an authentic driver’s license! I chose Luigi and the blue shell (spiny shell). The lovely lady then handed people a license, a Mario Kart license plate, and an air freshener (because nerds smell).

As if sitting on a stool and playing Mario Kart were not fun enough, people also had the option to go into a glass truck and climb into a little plastic kart!

As you can tell, the Kart was really small and not made for adults…which did not stop a single adult, including myself.

I went during midday, and the crowds were steady. In my estimation, the day was a hit, and it only would have been better if there was a guy in a felt Mario suit that I could hug and take pictures with.

Later that day, I had a burrito. The end.