There Will Be New Article (singular)

It turns out Nintendo hates the American economy as much as everyone else.

According to Alex Wham! Bam! Pham of the Los Angeles Times, Nintendo’s combination of not making enough product to satisfy demand and selling more merchandise in Europe means the U.S. and Canada are getting the middle finger from the company of Mario and Zelda. When it comes to games like Wii Fit, Michael Pachter, an analyst with Wedbush Morgan Securities and Confectionaries, explained to the Pham Man that Nintendo is “shrewdly maximizing” profit by sending two million units to Europe, while North America only received 500,000. “The shortage demonstrates one consequence of the weak dollar. We’re seeing companies ignore their largest market simply because they can make a greater profit elsewhere,” Pachter sagely noted as he nodded with the understanding and insight that only comes from being an analyst. He also added that the demand for Wii Fit will still be as strong later in the year, because “they know that Americans will be just as fat a few months from now.”

When asked for comment, Americans were too busy eating sandwiches to respond. On the other hand, Denise Kaigler, a Nintendo spokeswoman, lied and said Nintendo is “working as hard as we can to replenish the stock.”