Comcast offers free Wii so you don’t have to watch cable

by Chris V on July 28th, 2008

Perhaps the greatest giveaway in the history of modern man has been unleashed upon our gentle nation (note: United States).

From July 28th, 2008 until August 17th, 2008, anyone who signs up for Comcast’s Preferred Plus or Premier Triple Play package for two years will receive a free, no cost, brand new, fresh out of the box, beautiful Nintendo Wii. If you are already a member of the Triple Play thing, then tough shit, it’s not for you. Loser. “By connecting to our high-speed Internet, it will be easy for our customers to access all the fun content and features their Wii has to offer online,” said Greg “Seymour” Butz, Senior VP of a whole lot of shit you don’t care about. Cammie Dunaway, Nintendo of America’s Executive VP of Being Named After a Street Fighter Character, added that “Comcast’s high-speed Internet connects Wii owners with their friends all over the world.” Even friends in Belgium? Yes, damn it, even friends in Belgium. “The Wii is home to a multitude of fun Internet based entertainment and informational options.” Informational options? REALLY?? My pants are soaked with unborn babies.

Time to click “publish” so I can get back to watching my DirecTV.